love from within

Design Inspiration

2011-03-11T10:00:00.000-08:00

So we're in a new place (well, since the end of January) and we still haven't really done anything with it to make it feel like our home. We're starting to talk about painting and I saw over on a friend's blog about stencils. Apparently, they're relatively easy....so maybe we'll try some. Here's some of the stencils I found particularly inspiring....thanks royaldesignstudio.com

2011-03-10T14:28:00.001-08:00

(3 weeks old)
(15 months old)

I feel as though 90% of the advice given to me as a mom doesn’t make sense until after the said event has already occurred. Like when people tell you to “just enjoy” the newborn phase, while you’re totally sleep deprived and wondering what in the world hit you. But I tried my best to enjoy it (and actually, I did truly enjoy it) and only once your baby stops making the most adorable pursed lips faces and little squeaky newborn sounds, then you realize..wow that really didn’t last very long. And wow, it was such a treasure, and such moments to be enjoyed.

And I never understood why people always said “you’re growing up too fast!” Because I love watching Layla grow up and become more of a communicator and expressive and display her personality. But then yesterday walking back home down the street with a screaming toddler who is just upset out of her mind that mommy won’t let her steal the ball from the store….well, that’s when I’m like, gee, I wish you couldn’t walk still or have opinions and that you would just sit in my sling and look adorable.

That being said, I choose to love this stage, despite (and perhaps because of its) own particular challenges (and joys) and “treasure up these things in my heart” because it really is a beautiful journey.

2011-03-08T15:09:00.001-08:00

There’s been this defiant cold going around our house for the past two months, morphing with each of us as it conquers our immune system and then proceeding on to the next until it gets back to the first in new form and takes us down yet again. I am so ready for our home to be symptom-free SOON please!

Of course, wrestling with a prolonged cold is nothing compared to fighting cancer or enduring other forms of suffering. Nonetheless, I am inspired by a friend who loves Jesus, whose son has endured a lot of hospital visits due to the poor conditions of his bones. She put it this way: “Somehow the struggles and suffering we endure is actually a way of God showing us His love and care in fulfilling His promise that He will always be with us.”

What a testimony.

God is faithful even when He allows us to remain in sickness, and He is worthy of praise. He also is faithful when He heals us. And I have a brief story to share on that note.

This is actually the second time this has happened to me. Yesterday I was out watching Layla play, trying not to be miserable because my body ached so bad from the cold. Praying, asking our God who heals to give me strength and fresh energy for the day ahead. Choosing to praise His name in my heart regardless of whether I would feel better or not. As I was sitting there on the pavement, watching Layla push her toy car around and shake her head “no, no” at the strong wind blowing her face, all of a sudden I just felt this surge of energy and strength come on me. The closest thing I can think to describe it is as if I had touched Jesus’ cloak as in the stories of old, and strength and healing coursed through my body. It’s the craziest thing, but so so real. This has happened to me once before, where the raw power of Christ our Healer is so tangible in my own body as He strengthens me. It’s amazing.

So I just want to testify to the goodness and power of God. And say that prayer is powerful because it is communion with God, because it takes us into His throne room and allows us to directly talk with Him. And because He is good, and He longs to bless us and to teach us good things. What a good God we worship.

2011-01-27T12:54:00.000-08:00

We're BAAAAAAACK!!!!!!!

Well I'm not sure if y'all kept up with the family blog over on tumblr (www.thematnix.tumblr.com)....we put up all our world travel adventures over there. And now we are situated back in Carpinteria, CA, and I have some thoughts about mothering, so I'm back over to this blog. Ahh, too much to keep up with.

I think being a mother can be really lonely. Don't get me wrong--it's also awesome and amazing and so much fun. The joy of the giggles you can elicit from a little girl who is just darling....the love that wells up so many times throughout the day. Being a mom is incredibly rewarding but (at least I find) also lonely.

Enough about that.

I shall pick a brighter topic now. Being in Malaysia was AWESOME. It was really really good for Nathanael and me to get away from the stresses of regular American grownup life and just be somewhere else, somewhere more laid back....and especially since it's where we spent our childhood! So much fun....

It was also really good for me as a mom...as I already said, the culture is much more laid back over there, and I think that was HUGELY helpful for me. Because I have a tendency to be uptight, wanting to make everything perfect for Layla (naptime, playtime, food, etc)...which is okay except often it comes at the expense of other things (like flexibility, or hanging out with people, or being polite). So it was really good for me to see that I don't have to make everything perfect for Layla, that she can adapt and handle a lot of stuff. And that it's not a bad thing--it's just all about priorities.

Anyways...I'm not sure if that makes sense. BUT, there you have it. :-)

AND, there are a LOT of people having kids this year! I feel like I know SO many people that are pregnant right now...

Life

2010-11-06T20:25:00.000-07:00

Well, Layla is full blown walking these days. She walks on the pavement, on the sidewalk, on the street, on the grass, on the sand...it's extraordinary. What happened to my baby?

She is also entering the terrible twos it appears...although she is not even one. This is bad news.

Tomorrow we are celebrating her birth day. It's hard to believe she's turning ONE. But exciting at the same time.

I am so over nursing. But I really want to press through at least until we arrive in Malaysia. I think having that continuity and comfort will be helpful for her during our travels and adjustment to a new country. If, then, she seems ready, I am more than ready to wean her. I am over being bit by sharp little teeth. If I was a lion, I would roar.

On a non-mommy note, I am participating in NaNoWriMo! For those who don't know (I didn't know until 3 days ago), November is National Novel Writing Month! There's a nation wide challenge for amateurs (like myself) or professionals to write a (minimum) 50,000 word novel in the 30 days of November. Since I've always wanted to write, this seemed like a fantastic impetus to do so.

Another note: we are going to Malaysia in less than 2 weeks! If you want to follow our trip there, I think we will be updating a family tumblr blog more regularly than this one: http://thematnix.tumblr.com

2010-10-27T19:29:00.000-07:00

I love it: Than totally just sang Layla to sleep --with the star wars theme song.

HAH!

2010-10-05T11:05:00.000-07:00

I am so blessed by this little girl's life.

Bath Time

2010-09-26T16:48:00.001-07:00

At first I was skeptical of the whole bath routine thing, but I'm glad we stuck with it because now Layla LOVES her baths. When she hears the water start pouring out of the faucet, she races (on all fours) into the bathroom and clambers up the bathtub to watch. It's definitely something she looks forward to. And she knows it means bedtime soon. I think the predictability is good for her. Helps her little brain. :-)

2010-09-23T21:46:00.000-07:00

Layla has gotten into resting her head on us when she's tired or just wants a few-second-rest before returning to her crazy explore everything routine. It's so endearing.

We're doing better on going-to-bed routines....she's much less screamy about it. Still not her fave but she is a trooper. What a great little girl.

Morning

2010-09-09T15:07:00.000-07:00

Occasionally one of those days dawns that just begs to be put to good use, to go down in your memories, to live an adventure. Perhaps you saw the first glimmers of the sun, or maybe, like me, you awoke to see sunshine streaming through the blinds, twisting, bending, contorting itself around those very shades meant to block it out. But it would not be blocked. I like these mornings. A deep sigh, contented, delighted and refreshed that I actually was not awakenedbefore the sun came up. Amazed that I slept through the night, uninterrupted, and can enjoy the beauty of bright California sun with a yet quiet house. Still, peaceful, calm.

Soon the day begins, with its various needs and demands and responsibilities--but there was that initial calm. That beautiful calm.

And this particular day is just too stunning, too summery, too beautiful to be spent indoors, to fall into oblivion.

"The morning is when you charge into the future."

It did not take much conferring for Nathanael and me to decide that today ought not be spent indoors or at home or working or doing the same old. And so we spontaneously decided to claim our adventure ticket before it left home without us.

We walked the two blocks from our house to the train platform and boarded the train to Santa Barbara, whereabouts we took a stroll along the beach, walked down the pier, ate Clam Chowder and fish & chips (respectively), let Layla crawl along the waterfront, and generally had a most delightful time with each other.

And here I shall stop my rambling and let the photographs speak for themselves.

Jason Reeves' Music Video!!

2010-09-02T09:42:00.001-07:00

The music video Nathanael made for Jason Reeves' new single "Helium Hearts" is finally released! Check it out....

helium hearts from HESCHLE on Vimeo.

sleep

2010-09-02T09:36:00.000-07:00

Well Layla's cold developed into an ear infection, accompanied by several long days of high fevers and a very fussy baby. Poor thing. But I am delighted to report that she is feeling much much better now. She even slept through the night the last few nights, which has also been highly instrumental in allowing me to finally get over this cold. I never realized how virtually impossible it would be to recover from a cold/sickness when unable to have a full night's rest. Praise God for a deep night's sleep! What a gift.

Thoughts

2010-08-20T14:12:00.000-07:00

My mom got a cat today. Well, more accurately, I gave her a cat for her birthday. Hope Dad doesn't kill me.

He's a beautiful dainty Siamese kitty with dark grey ears and paws and tail, blended into a light grey body. And gorgeous ice blue eyes.

Beautiful thing.

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I am sick again. Thanks, Layla.

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Flowers are all throughout our home. I love you Nathanael.

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The past few weeks the sun has been fighting with the fog, trying to see who will win over the coveted Carpinteria space. Most summer long the fog has won. Maybe now that we're more than half way through September we'll finally get our summer?

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Musician Jason Reeves just released a single Helium Hearts which you should absolutely check out. Our friend Josh Newton took a bunch of pictures used on his new website, and my very own Nathanael made his music video (which is coming out any day now!!).

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I have a painting project currently being undertaken and I am considering trying my hand at children's books. It may just stop with Layla, but I would like to give it a try. Anyone interested in doing the artwork?

Sorry for the random uncohesiveness of this post. I blame the cold Layla gave me.

Love

2010-08-11T09:00:00.000-07:00

Watching some video footage of Layla tonight, I am staggered and overwhelmed by the love I have for her. It is SO deep, SO full, so beautiful and good. I mean, honestly, this pride and love wells up in me just watching her drink from her sippy cup so independently! Haha, it sounds ridiculous (I know, it wasn't that long ago I was single and responsibility-less without a kid) but it is true! I am so proud of her for being able to drink water on her own and just for how beautiful she is and how grown-up she's getting. It is profound and gives a whole new level of understanding of the love that parents have for their children. Helps me realize how much my own parents love me and also how much God loves us, that He would call us His children. Amazing.

2010-08-10T21:59:00.000-07:00

This evening Nathanael was sitting in the chair in Layla's room and Layla was playing on the ground. She found one of her many board books, grabbed it, crawled over to Than with the book in her hand and got his attention by tapping his leg and looking up expectantly. He picked her up and she nestled in on his lap, sitting back, ready to be read the book.

How cute is that?!?! She is becoming such a big girl!!!

doubled existence

2010-08-10T10:06:00.000-07:00

Layla is 9 months old today! Which means she has officially doubled her existence (9 months inside, 9 month outside) and from here on out, more of her life will be out in the real world than in the cozy confines of the womb. And she is quite adept in her world these days...crawling (race crawling) throughout our home, playing chase (her favorite) with me, giggling, squealing with delight.

We celebrated by getting cupcakes from Whodidily with a friend Penelope who was also born Nov 10th!

She tried curry the other day for the first time, and she loved it. Good thing or we might've disowned her. Haha, JUST KIDDING! But we are excited that she enjoyed it. Her meal yesterday was straight off our plates: rice, lentils, potato, curry (squished together, but still, pretty close!). It is so much fun these days. She's definitely more trouble too. We had to put a baby gate around Than's work area..haha. She enjoyed the printer and his hard drives a little too much.

Other news...Santa Barbara just had their annual Fiesta celebration of the Old Spanish Days. That was terrific fun. Nathanael and I got in a date thanks to my mom (thanks Mom!). We even bought some confetti eggs and smashed them on each others' head to join in the festivities.

And we had shave ice (as they call it here).

So much fun. I love this age!!!

Nursery

2010-08-07T14:28:00.000-07:00

We have finally (mostly) finished Layla's nursery. :-) Yay.

I made the paper balls (they weren't that hard actually). The hanging pictures are above her changing table, which is causing a problem because Layla finds great joy in pulling them down....

sunday

2010-07-25T21:30:00.000-07:00

buttery sunlight

happy giggles

creamy skin

world of wonder

trying new things

baby aroma, awaken from a nap

shrieks of delight

burrowing in blankets

cuddling on my lap

reading books together

devouring a peach

learning how to tumble

falling asleep

peaceful

at rest

still

sweet happyness

delighting in love

the love of a family

so blessed,

so blessed.

Baby Food

2010-07-22T10:00:00.000-07:00

So far I have hand made all of Layla's baby food. Which actually hasn't been as hard as I thought and has been a lot of fun! It's nice to have a little baby puree thing, but it isn't necessary. Most food you simply steam and then blend and serve. You can make enough to refrigerate some and then freeze any that won't be eaten in the next few days.

I have especially enjoyed getting organic local veggies and then serving them to Layla! We have an awesome Farmer's Market, and my awesome mom has an amazing garden that she generously gives much of its produce for the little one. :-)

Automatic Release Point (Best Trick EVER!)

2010-07-20T09:30:00.000-07:00

If you have ever been around a baby, you may have noticed that they LOVE to grab things. And prying their little fingers off can be quite a challenge! The more you pull it away, the harder they cling onto it. So here is a trick I learned while camping, from our friends who learned it from an occupational therapist: take your index finger and thumb and place them on either side of the closed fist (at the palm level), press firmly (but not too hard), and the fingers will release. Watch the video below for a demo (and better understanding). :-)

Rugged Exposure: Our Camping Trip!

2010-07-18T21:00:00.000-07:00

Layla went on her first camping trip! Well, technically her second (since we went camping in Death Valley when I was about 8 weeks pregnant). But her first that she could appreciate! And she was quite the trooper. As is typical for her, she had a rough time falling asleep and definitely didn't clock the number of hours she needs for true rest, but it was enough. I fared worse than her, thanks to the annoying group across the creek that wouldn't be quiet until 1:30 am and then the drunk dude upstream that decided to serenade the camp with guitar at 4:30 in the morning. But other than that, it was fun to be in a tent again and out in the woods!

We took her pack 'n play, so she had half the tent....haha. We also took her Deuter Kid Comfort III which we just bought on Thursday! So excited to use it---it was GREAT! She took a nap in it during our hike and the sun roof kept the sun almost entirely off her. Also used a fantastic sunscreen from Australia (it's called Soleo Organics; I bought it from Summer for Kids in Montecito).

From finding a beautiful refreshing waterfall (with a hidden cave underneath it to crawl through!!) to going on a stinkin' hot hike in the backcountry of the Los Padres National Park, to finishing it off with a swim in a wild lake, it was quite a wonderful trip. S'mores, views of the stars, the creek singing a gentle lullaby throughout the night (with aforementioned disruptions of noisy laughing neighbors and drunk guitarists), baby's first skinny dipping experience, sweating like a mad cow, driving through the forest, hanging out with friends--a wonderful camping extravaganza.

Unfortunately I didn't realize how hot I got, cuz I came down with heat exhaustion and we had to return early. :-( But the trip was a blast. Can't wait to do it again!! Maybe not on the hottest weekend of the summer next time...that would be better I daresay.

Stay tuned because on my next post I am planning on sharing with you the best trick I've learned for dealing with a baby!!!! You will want to know this trick if you ever anticipate having or being near a child ;-)

Going to the Beach!

2010-07-15T19:00:00.000-07:00

the layla and mommy beach video from HESCHLE on Vimeo.

My husband is amazing. I love how this little video captures the beauty and joy of taking our 8 month old to the beach!! So simple, so beautiful.

Reconciliation

2010-07-14T10:00:00.000-07:00

"This isn't just about winning. It can't be about winning. If we only want to win, then there will always be losers, and how is that so different from the way things were? This has always been about the big picture, about moving on together."

I read this quote in the June 2010 National Geographic article on South Africa. The man who said it is a mediator, a black man who is willing to get dirty and get involved in messy situations and deal with the compications of reconciliation.

It is so true. Whether it be reconciliation between two groups of people (or more) who have had racial hostility for generations or between two individuals who have hurt each other over the years, this remains the same: it cannot be about winning! Winning, or even picking a side, is completely unhelpful AND misses the point. The point is to move on together, to be reconciled, to learn to coexist and maybe even be friends.

For My Husband

2010-07-13T11:40:00.001-07:00

I was looking through a bunch of photos today and, I gotta say, I love my husband! What a sweet man of God he is. It's amazing that he loves me, really, especially since he's known me since eighth grade and loved me throughout my not-so-lovely middle school days. Nathanael, I think you're the bestest ever.

Guess what?

2010-07-12T15:58:00.001-07:00

When did "we have exciting news" become code for "we're pregnant"? That's what I want to know.

Not that I am negating the exciting-ness of new life and pregnancy. I am not at all intending to do so. But it gets a little old when you say "Guess what?" or "We have exciting news!" and people (random people) jump in "You're pregnant!" um, no. Actually, and thankfully. Not ready for another one just yet.

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Part Two: Updates

Layla is now sleeping through the night! For the past four nights at least. I hate to make it official because that means she will probably wake up multiple times tonight just to prove me wrong.

Layla is also crawling (like real, official crawling) and pulling herself up (although only onto her knees, not feet) and eating real food (her favorites are banana and carrots) and otherwise being her simply delightful self.

She's quite the fun little person. Very determined. When she wants to do something or get something, she is not easily deterred. She doesn't cry or whine when thwarted--instead she reevaluates and figures out how to get it another way. Persistent.

I love this girl.

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Part III: Plans

-Camping this weekend!

-Passport in the mail!

-International flight coming up in four months!!!!!! (that is our exciting news :-) guess where we're going?!)

Nursery Inspiration

2010-07-03T10:00:00.000-07:00

Just wanted to send you all a cool website my friend Emily showed me the other day...it's www.ohdeedoh.com and they have tons of inspirational nurseries.

A few of my favorite rooms:

I absolutely LOVE the map in this room! Sooooo cool.

The balls hanging over her crib are so cute! I think I want to make some of my own and hang them in Layla's room. :-) Martha Stewart gives instructions on how to make them here.

City skyline? What a cute idea!!

This is my absolute favorite room I think....check out more of the images here. If only I could design like this....

Birth

2010-07-01T13:26:00.001-07:00

My good friend Emily just had her baby boy, Elijah Kai, on Tuesday night! See her beautiful blog here. I am so excited for her--and especially because she was able to do it naturally! Which is really an amazing thing...

Having a natural birth (and by natural, I mean no drugs or synthetic hormones [ie. pitocin] or epidurals) is an incredible experience. I was able to have Layla without the drugs or epidural, and it was unbelievable. So intense but so amazing. It's impossible to describe the surge of emotions right after the baby is finally born. And labor itself is, of course, quite a lot of work! I have never in my life concentrated so hard or been so focused or so immersed in anything or experienced such intensity. But wow, what a payoff--to hold a beautiful brand new life in your arms. What a privilege.

Remembering back, one thing that helped me the most was to match my breath with the strength of each contraction. The stronger the contraction, the stronger I would inhale and exhale. Focusing more on matching its strength than thinking about the pain. That was helpful. And also simply surrendering to the process--to my body, to the sensations/pain. Birth is a sacred, powerful event...for me, it was something that opened my eyes to what Jesus Christ went through in surrendering his body to the will of God.

Here is an entry from my journal shortly after I had Layla:

In preparation for Layla's birth, i did a lot of reading and here's some things i thought were interesting, especially as it pertains to the biblical understanding of birth. First of all, Eve was never cursed. The snake is cursed and the ground is cursed but God never actualy curses adam or eve. Which is interesting and seldom noted by Christians unfortunately. Birth pains are a consequence but not a curse. Secondly, the Hebrew word used in the passage [estev] is the same for both the man and the woman's consequence. For the woman, English translators have termed it "pain" and for the man, they term it "toil". Curious, isn't it? It's the same exact word used, and in fact throughout the bible when this word is used, it is translated "toil" in all circumstances except for regarding women and childbirth. Not sure why translators have decided to do that--it's not exactly fair to the text or to women.

Now having gone through labor and without any pain medication, I will say this: there is an element of pain to be sure but this pain is magnified when resisted and becomes bearable only when accepted and surrendered to. Furthermore, it is the sort of experience or sensation (or toil, really) that involves a complete focus and total engagement with in order to endure and overcome it. And while it is excruciating and unbelievably intense, it is a beautiful thing when it has been accomplished and when it is finished. It is toil, it is labor, it is something that cannot be slept through or done half heartedly but must be met with total attention and will. It is definitely a very real "dying to oneself."

All that said without trying to show a parallel with Jesus Christ and his death, but when I reread it with that in mind, it is really quite amazing. Because that is exactly what He did for us on the cross. He made it possible for us to be born again--through him! Christ births us. And so isn't that incredible? Jesus labored on our behalf and we are born through him. But he is the one who had the complete focus and surrender and submission of his body to endure that process ordained by God in order that we might live. Truly incredible.

Going through labor and birth was an amazing experience for me. Unlike any other, out of this world, opened my eyes to a new reality in many ways. And it truly is different from pain as we understand it and as it occurs in other contexts. It is something wholly other. Not to say it doesn't hurt--oh to be sure it is overwhelming! But it is something amazing because it results in life. Through submission of my will and my body, through accepting the pain and laboring in that process of birth, God brought forth the new life of my daughter. Through Christ’s submission of his will and his body, through accepting the pain and laboring in that process of death, God offers us new life spiritually. In an incredible way, Christ conquered the last enemy (which is death) and is able to offer us life! His death was the necessary process through which we can have life. Christ had to be fully engaged, fully focused on the goal ahead. And when he had accomplished all that needed to be accomplished, He declared "It is finished." And now he has the reward of having children, that joy of having accomplished what He set out to do.

Layla and me just minutes after her birth.

Thoughts and a cool website

2010-06-29T16:18:00.000-07:00

I do apologize for the lack of posting...life just seems to speed up sometimes. It's like when we go to the beach, and Layla incessantly tries to pick up the sand in her fist and taste it--by the time it has reached her mouth, it has slipped through her fingers back onto the ground. That's how time is...elusive, speeding by. And so I have been living in the moment, savoring each laugh and giggle and wrassle and tassle with this darling little girl. :-) Oh she is precious. What a gift!

Enough--it's hard not to go on and on and on about her. Perhaps you won't understand until you have one of your own. But when you fall in love with someone, every little thing just makes you smile and you just want to treasure it and remember it forever. We ought to make another little video of her, speaking of.

But what I meant this blog post to be about (really I did have a vision for this, not just to ramble on and on) is this cool website: www.babysteals.com You should most certainly check it out--each day they have a new "steal" with baby and maternity gear on sale for up to 80% off. Super cool.

Development

2010-06-22T10:59:00.000-07:00

Have I mentioned that Layla is crawling? Well, she is. Sort of.

She drags her lower body by her hands, and sometimes flails her legs about in an effort to hurl herself in a forward direction. Nonetheless she has become quite adept at traveling to and from power cords and flip flops--her favorite toys to chew on.

Her little (big) personality emerges more and more each day. She is a delightful, fiesty, loving, sassy, determined, adorable, sweet, beautiful, strong-willed, cuddly, smart, curious, alert, knowing, playful, giggly, talkative, hilarious little girl. She is so much fun, so much energy, so much a part of our lives.

The other day she choked on something--still not sure if it was the sand she swallowed at the beach, the leaf she chewed on in the yard, or something I didn't even see her get into her mouth. That was scary. I was glad I took an infant CPR class (although thankfully it didn't get to the point where she stopped breathing) so I knew what position to hold her in to help dislodge whatever it was that was making it hard for her to breathe. Scary.

Well she's up from her nap. Gotta go.

Friends visit!

2010-06-17T09:31:00.000-07:00

Our dear friends came and visited from Colorado! It was simply wonderful to see them and meet their baby girl. What a cutie! Jonny and Emily are some of the sweetest most loving people and truly delightful to hang out with. We enjoyed showing them little Carpinteria and we discovered this amazing collectibles shop. So fun. :-)

Emily and I decided it is unfair that these little girls always feel obligated to do their worst to their mommies and let their daddies off the hook. For example, both of us have been peed on, pooed on, spat up on, et cetera--while their fathers never experience anything of the sort! :-) Speaking of which, Layla spat up directly in my eyeball yesterday. I could not believe it. And what's worse is the spit up was mixed with sand (since she had managed to get some sand from the beach in her mouth earlier in the day...). Yuck.

Be Ethical, get Educated

2010-06-14T10:29:00.000-07:00

Lately I have been thinking a lot about ethical buying. It's easy to just look for the cheapest prices and forget that someone somewhere had to grow that, make that, sew that. And often the cheapest prices are cheap because that someone somewhere has subsidized the cost by receiving a poverty wage. And really, my choice to buy from a producer who is impoverishing working women in order to sell me clothing for dirt cheap prices--well this is really just modern slavery in a way. It allows me to grow wealthy but at the expense of a sister in a far off land. Am I okay with slavery? NO.

I want to do more research and learn about which companies are employing ethical standards in who they purchase from. I am not okay with buying an article of clothing that a teenage girl slaved away on. I want to put pressure on retailers, on brands, to say that I will pay more for things so that the workers in Bangladesh, Thailand, Indonesia, China will get paid more.

If you're with me, check out this website. And read this research article. Here in the USA, Walmart is definitely the biggest culprit. Check out this website for more on Walmart and for what YOU can do to help.

Firsts...

2010-06-13T20:29:00.001-07:00

Layla loves playing in the sand...

....and I do too. :-)

Other firsts in the past few days: first time in the shopping cart baby-seat, first time in a Target, first time in the nursery at church, first time having oatmeal, first time in a high chair, and first beginnings of crawling! Seems like she's the same for a few weeks and then boom-you get a whole slew (slough?) of firsts all at once.

So much fun lately. We love this little one.

Cooking!

2010-06-09T20:07:00.000-07:00

I'm starting a cooking blog, just for fun. If you find yourself (like me) wanting more inspiration, more variety in your meals, feel free to check it out for some things I'm trying. :-)

http://805kitchen.blogspot.com

Baby Gear

2010-06-08T13:30:00.001-07:00

Did I already mention the sleep sheep? Let me mention it again. Sleep Sheep.

You must have this thing if your child is anything like mine. For the active, fun-loving child who does not want to stop socializing and sleep, this thing is essential. I don't know how we got by without it. Oh yeah, with lots of screaming. I remember.

This is way better!

And if anyone wants to get me something, here is the latest item of baby gear. I want it! So cool! Introducing the Baby Bjorn Travel Crib Light. It is super light, easy to assemble...perfect for traveling, essentially. Let me know if you want to give it to me. :-)

Breastfeeding

2010-06-07T14:54:00.000-07:00

We are back! Back from our trip away. It is wonderful to be home.

Today we started solids with Layla! I would like to commend myself for being the sole source of nourishment for another human being for over 15 months. Yay me! :-) Breastfeeding has definitely not always been easy or enjoyable, but I am full of deep joy that I was able to give my daughter this gift. And I'm not done with breastfeeding, but from here on out, other food will also be part of her diet.

All research shows the benefits of breastfeeding, and studies are now finding that it is best to wait until the baby is six months or older before introducing solids. This is the recommendation of the WHO as well, but some American doctors are a bit behind. At any rate, I am glad to have given this to Layla and yeah, that's all for now. :-)

Flight

2010-05-26T09:01:00.000-07:00

Layla had her first flight yesterday! She was fantastic, I couldn't even believe it. She usually has a really hard time sleeping in new situations...she is simply too interested in everything going on around her, which then leads to overstimulation and lots of fussing, which makes falling asleep even harder for her. Needless to say, I was a little concerned about our flight to Detroit.

Three things which were lifesavers for us: 1) The Sleep Sheep. 2) The Moby Wrap. 3) Nursing cover. This blog post will inform parents, parents-to-be, and people looking for presents for the aforementioned blocs of the many wonders of these products.

1) The Sleep Sheep.

This thing is truly amazing. Especially if you find yourself with a baby who resists sleep, like ours. And let's be honest, you can try to train your baby, but ultimately she is who she is and you just have to work with her! This thing has four white noise settings: stream, rain, ocean, whale. The name explains the sound. Layla fell asleep to the stream. And stayed asleep. For an hour and a half, in the midst of airport loudspeaker announcements, a crazy family who missed their flight and decided to let the entire airport know about it, boarding, and (yes, get this) take-off. That's right, the sleep sheep kept her asleep till we were at maybe 5,000 feet. And she was much more rested and happy than if she hadn't slept, I can guarantee that!

2) The Moby Wrap.

This thing is super versatile. There's one way to wrap it, but about six different ways for baby to sit in it, based on her age and development. It holds her snug and close, keeping her comfortable and feeling safe. Also it positions her body properly unlike a lot of baby carriers (for example, the baby bjorn) which force their legs too far apart and can cause hip problems. Layla is not one of those babies who would sleep in my arms--just too many things to distract her. The Moby helps her sleep, and lets my hands be free to do things. In my opinion, the downside is that it is extremely warm (because of the body heat and the fabric) so may not be the best choice in hot places.

3) Nursing cover.

These are great for nursing, but they also function as eye blinders. Once your baby's eyesight becomes developed, she will just want to look at everything! Which is awesome, except when what she needs is to sleep. Layla has a hard time zoning out, so we have to help her. The nursing cover limits what she can look at. I highly recommend being creative.

And here are pictures to illustrate! From our flight yesterday...

♥ Love ♥

2010-05-20T10:45:00.001-07:00

If I say I love but do not play with her, hold her, feed her, talk to her, sing to her, cuddle her, comfort her, kiss her, change her, bathe her, what sort of love is that? A mere emotional feeling is not the same as love. Love acts, it moves, it goes beyond itself, ever reaching out, ever moving forward, ever engaging and partaking. It is not static, and if it retreats, is it real at all?

If God says He is love but never moves beyond the words into action, what sort of "love" would that be? And yet it is clear by looking at the story of God's presence in the world as recorded in the Bible and witnessed throughout the ages that He does indeed love, and He is indeed love, for we find that this God is ever engaging with humanity, reaching out to us, drawing us near to Himself, clothing us, cleaning us, feeding us, giving us meaning, providing us with relationship, teaching us, talking to us, singing over us, holding us, and in every way making it possible (if we so choose to accept) for us to experience the love He is.

Salt Marsh

2010-05-19T17:59:00.000-07:00

Today we went for a walk in the Carpinteria Salt Marshes, a beautiful preserved part of the California coastlands. While on our walk we saw a red fox, mallard ducks, rabbits, and lots of shore birds.

Living here has been so wonderfully peaceful. The culture of this little beach town is so different from Santa Barbara! It is incredibly laid back and relaxed. We are loving it.

Karen Winters' depiction of the Salt Marshes where we were this morning.

Slowly but Surely

2010-05-14T11:49:00.000-07:00

Slowly but surely we are getting settled in to our new home! The two bedrooms (ours and Layla's) have been painted and furnished. The living room remains yet to be perfected.... :-) In the meantime we have established quite an adorable routine for Layla's bed & nap time, which involves snuggling with her kitty cat from Great Grandma and Grandpa in Florida. She has been introduce to water in a sippy cup, and she very avidly loves sticking it in her mouth and sucking on it! She hasn't got the hang of swallowing the water just yet, but she sure enjoys making a mess all over the couch and floor and her shirt. And, believe it or not, she is in the early stages of learning to crawl: pulling her legs up under her and scooting forward.

Poem

2010-05-12T12:30:00.000-07:00

Nathanael was in Sonoma this weekend, shooting a photographer shooting a wedding. We actually do a lot of that--promotional videos for photographers (see www.forphotographers.heschle.com)

Anyways, he brought me home soaps, chocolates, wine, and a poem. Enjoy.

Sonnet XVII by Pablo Neruda
I do not love you as if you were salt-rose, or topaz,
or the arrow of carnations the fire shoots off.
I love you as certain dark things are to be loved,
in secret, between the shadow and the soul.

I love you as the plant that never blooms
but carries in itself the light of hidden flowers;
thanks to your love a certain solid fragrance,
risen from the earth, lives darkly in my body.

I love you without knowing how, or when, or from where.
I love you straightforwardly, without complexities or pride;
I love you because I know no other way

In which there is no I or you
so intimate that your hand upon my chest is my hand
so intimate that when you fall asleep it is my eyes that close.

Sleep

2010-05-11T10:48:00.000-07:00

Since our move to Carpinteria on the 1st, Layla has been thrown off. Which has expressed itself primarily in the form of lots of screaming and little sleep. She has always had an aversion to nap time and bed time, perhaps because she is a little socialite and hates to be left alone in her crib. Napping in the car or stroller isn't a problem, but boy does she ever let us know her distaste for napping in her crib!

Well it has become quite unreasonable and so the past two days we decided we needed to put an end to her stubborness as it relates to sleep. We probably should have done this earlier, but we didn't. Anyways, the last two days we have made her stay in her crib regardless of how long and furiously she screamed about it. We sang to her and tried things to help her calm down--but would not actually take her out until after she had napped.

Letting a child "cry it out" is one of the hardest things to do. Because you love them. And to say "crying" isn't really adequate. It's more like piercing screams, pitiful heart-wrenching sobs of desperation. It's one thing to listen to someone else's kid cry, quite another to hear your own. But I am learning that the best thing for her (and for us) is not to let her have her own way or to give in.

She will be a happier baby if she can learn to sleep when she is tired without screaming for a solid half hour first. She will be a happier person if she can learn that she cannot be rescued out of every hard or unwanted situation but must be able to comfort herself and get through it.

Growing up is hard.

Growing Up

2010-05-05T11:43:00.000-07:00

Last night Layla slept in her own room. It was so weird falling asleep without hearing her breathe. Makes me feel like my little baby is all grown up.

I didn't think I'd miss her. But I definitely did. Both of us did. Weird.

Oh Layla, you've changed our lives forever. And we love you. You've made your way into our hearts, and we will never be the same. It's hard to believe how fast you're growing up already. We love every moment with you. I will be sure to shower you with extra kisses when you wake up from your nap.

Love

2010-04-28T19:24:00.000-07:00

Having a child takes love to a whole new level. In a good way.

I feel more deeply, I love more fully, I laugh more sincerely, my heart delights in life. Children are indeed a gift from God. How precious and wonderful that He entrusts us with them! It's hard to imagine that one day she will no longer want to snuggle, no more laugh at the smallest things I do, no longer cling to me. I am living this up, enjoying every moment of her at this age. She is precious. My heart swells with love and pride and delight and joy in her.

I am so thankful to God for this baby. It gives me a glimpse of how He must feel toward each of us. Now when I see a person, I think to myself, "How I feel about Layla is how God feels about them." Staggering. Such love. Such such tremendous love God has for us! And what is man that you are mindful of him?

The love of God is staggering. Amazing. Incredible. Breathtaking. Beautiful.

Local Politics

2010-04-27T12:44:00.001-07:00

This is for fellow 805 area code people and any others who care about local Santa Barbara issues. :-) We are moving to Carpinteria on Friday and it appears that a oil company wants to move in too. Blech. Vote on Measure J.

Measure J (Venoco's Oil Drilling Initiative) from Ted Rhodes on Vimeo.

sea

2010-04-25T20:40:00.000-07:00

In honor of Nathanael's birthday, we went on a surprise whale watching cruise. Being on the water made me realize just how much I have missed being on the water! The ocean is so vast, so calming, so relaxing. It's a different world out on the water. Somehow your cares and concerns seem to float away as all you focus on is the peaceful lapping of the water, the playful dancing of dolphins, the beautiful relationship of a mother gray whale and her calf making their migratory route to find food in colder waters. Add to that scores of jellyfish, sky diving pelicans, and bobbing sea lions...it made for a fantastic day.

I love the ocean.

Happy Earth Day, earth.

Happy Birth Day, Nathanael.

spring flowers

2010-04-23T12:07:00.000-07:00

I love flowers.

And my family.

If you are wanting to see some incredible images, check out this website: http://www.klphotoawards.com/ And you can cast your vote for your favorite.

Quote

2010-04-22T16:55:00.000-07:00

I read an interesting quote today on a designer's website. I think it is true.

"I believe what you wear on the outside affects who you are on the inside. It is so much easier to be kind when you feel beautiful. You know this is true." -Heidi Merrick

www.heidimerrick.com

Craigslist

2010-04-18T21:28:00.001-07:00

I love meeting random people through craigslist! It makes me feel so happy to live in such a nice, trusting town. Today we met 3 different family units through buying furniture off craigslist. Great deals, great people, great day.

One family recognized me from eating at a Thai food place on Milpas a couple weeks ago. They remembered Layla's name because now they're considering that name for their little girl on the way. :-) Another family's home burned down in the Jesusita fire and they're selling the furniture they had bought to use in their rental home while their home was being rebuilt. The third family was just super awesome people who are downsizing to a studio because that's all they can afford in this ridiculously expensive city. A sense of community is so much fun. Meeting people and connecting with them, even though they're strangers. Turns out meeting new people isn't that hard--you just have to get out of your normal social circles. And apparently buying things on craigslist is a good way to do so!

Yay. Sometimes I am just so full of happiness. What a great day.

Moving!

2010-04-14T11:12:00.000-07:00

We are moving! Not super far away...just 20 miles down to road to the cute little town of Carpinteria. We are super excited, although we have absolutely loved living here in Santa Barbara as well. Nonetheless we are excited to move forward on this and into a bigger space for our growing family. Layla will have her own room (hooray!) which means that we also will get our own room (yippee!). We will have a dryer for the first time in my life and will live only a couple blocks from the beach and a couple blocks from our church. Farmer's Market will be a block away on Thursday afternoons and the grocery store across the street! I cannot wait. This will be the smallest town I've ever lived in, and I am so excited about it. :-) Who wants to come visit?!

And now the fun begins! What color should Layla's room be? What style dining room table should we get? Where should we buy a couch from?

Embrace your Life

2010-04-09T19:30:00.000-07:00

I read a most profound statement over on Bobby Earle's blog today. It hit me in the face, because I totally do this and I need to stop! The last two years have been a gradual learning process to live in the here and now, to stop chasing after elusive "adventure", to stop idolizing travel and its excitements, to embrace and enjoy the life around me that God has blessed me with. I think I am beginning to make this lesson a part of who I am instead of fighting it. And thank you Bobby, because this was exactly what I needed to hear:

"Traveling is awesome if you have the opportunity — but the truth is that the good life is all around us. If you can’t find it at home, you likely won’t find it anywhere ;)"

Exercise during Pregnancy

2010-04-05T17:11:00.000-07:00

Read this interesting article about exercise during pregnancy. Synopsis: study shows that light exercise during pregnancy may improve overall child health later on. Read the full article here.

Parenting: A Dance of Love

2010-04-02T09:20:00.000-07:00

I've been thinking a lot about parenting. There are so many different theories and opinions.

Lately I've been thinking of parenting as a dance. There is a give and take between parent and child, a push and pull. We adapt to her, she adapts to us. Of course one of us must be the leader and the other the follower, but we are not drill sergeants. And neither is she boss. But in love, we engage each other in this dance, ever learning, ever moving forward. Swirling, twirling, stepping in rhythm. This is a dance of love.

Happy Pesach

2010-03-29T19:30:00.000-07:00

Today I spent the day cleaning. Scrubbing things down, cleaning things out. It was much needed.

While cleaning, I remembered God's faithfulness to His people. That He sees when a people is suffering and oppressed, and He hears their cries for help, and He will answer. God saves. Miraculously, sometimes. Our God is a God who saves. He was faithful to save His people out of Egypt and He is faithful today. Tonight we remember when God spared the firstborn of Abraham's descendants and delivered them from their oppressors.

Video Shoot

2010-03-27T10:00:00.000-07:00

Just a quick image from our shoot with Richelle Dante...you can see more images from the shoot by clicking here.

We had so much fun working with Richelle! Nathanael is currently in process of editing it together right now, and it is looking fantastic. Stay tuned.

PR

2010-03-24T20:52:00.000-07:00

For my readers from Southeast Asia, and anyone else,

whatever your political views,

who doesn't love nasi goreng?

Oh it always makes my day to hear Bahasa Indonesia.

Flower Power

2010-03-22T20:33:00.000-07:00

Yesterday we at Heschle Video Production did a shoot with Richelle Dante, a fabulous photographer from Orange County area. It was super fun--she had an awesome vision for an intro video for her website (stay tuned, it'll be here in not too long at all!). Needless to say, we had a great day filming for her project. Check out her website here.

When it was all over, we still had two bags of flower petals, so this morning Layla and I made good use of them. :-) Here is my favorite shot from the day...

Disneyland - "The Happiest Place on Earth"

2010-03-21T10:42:00.001-07:00

Oh Disneyland... :-)

We went to Disneyland on Monday with Nathanael's sister and her boyfriend who were visiting from Kentucky and with my parents. I never understood before how my mom would be happy just to have us kids happy. But now I understand. My happiest moments were when Layla finally fell asleep for a nap and when she met Mickey Mouse and smiled. Going on rides myself wasn't all that exciting, especially because I was always concerned about Layla. Sigh. Having a kid wrestles selfishness away (or at least highlights its presence).

Lessons from the day: Kids get CRANKY when they miss their naps! Oh my goodness, so ironic because over the loudspeakers they keep proclaiming "Disneyland, the happiest place on earth" but seriously everywhere we looked there were kids screaming and crying and throwing fits (including our own), especially as the day crept into the afternoon and naps were being forsaken for rides. It was truly amusing. Would have made a great little video. Not for promoting Disney though...

Layla refused to nap. Practically the whole day, which is crazy cuz she usually fits in about 4 - 5 hours worth of naps during a day. The more tired she got, the more overstimulated she got, the more she fought sleep. It was not fun.

And she was super ornery about her stroller. Would not have it. Only wanted to be held. Which brings me to lesson #2: be sure to practice things before you really need them. This applies to baby sitting in stroller, baby being held in Moby or other wrap (which we have done repeatedly so she's real good about it), using a bottle, using a pacifier, playing on her own, etc etc.

Enough! I will try to apply these lessons in the future but probably will forget by then. :-) In the meantime, thanks for reading!

Busy

2010-03-20T11:25:00.000-07:00

We've had relatives here visiting for the past week, so I apologize for the lack of blog action...It's been good and loads of fun, but also exhausting. Among other things we packed into their short time here, we made a trip to Disneyland, Farmer's Market, the beach, the harbor, Chamomile Cafe, and the bluffs. Here is a picture to tide me over until I have the energy to write a real post. :-)

Mirror

2010-03-12T11:35:00.000-08:00

Exercise

2010-03-09T10:46:00.000-08:00

During pregnancy and now mommy life, exercise is sometimes a challenge to fit in. But so important! And honestly, I always feel so much better about life and everything after some good exercise. :-)
For those in Santa Barbara, there is an excellent pre-natal class taught by Tracy Schmidt at the YMCA on Hitchcock. She also teaches a post-partum exercise class which is also awesome! I highly recommend it. :-) The first session is free, and you don't have to be a member of the Y to join the class. After that it works out to about $5 a class. Anyways, it's super fun--dance, stretches, breathing.

Peek-a-Boo

2010-03-05T10:31:00.000-08:00

So yesterday Layla created the most adorable game. After she finished eating, she looked up at me with her big sparkly blue eyes and then cracked the biggest grin. Seeing she had my attention, she buried her head in my arm, then looked back up, smiled, and buried it again. She repeated this most beautiful game of peek-a-boo several times.

I wish I could describe the emotion, the feeling. It's like falling in love all over again. With my baby. And as both Nathanael and I fall in love with this little person, we fall in love with each other afresh. It truly is beautiful.

Fall in Love: Layla's Video

2010-03-01T09:00:00.000-08:00

The Layla and Mommy Video from Sacred Space by HESCHLE on Vimeo.

Sacred Space + Meg Fish Photography

2010-02-26T20:13:00.000-08:00

Super exciting news!

Sacred Space by Heschle is partnering with Meg Fish Photography to do not just maternity videos but also newborn videos! What a treasure to keep forever and remember this special time in life. We (Nathanael and I) are quickly learning is just how fast Layla is growing up! She's rapidly approaching 4 months and changes by the day.

Meg Fish Photography (www.megfishphotography.com) is a beautiful gift in Santa Barbara and Ventura counties. She photographs pregnant women and newborn babies in a stunning artistic way that will blow your mind, soften your heart, and make you fall in love. Check out her blog here.

We are SO excited to work with Meg and her clients, having the privilege to preserve memories for individuals and families as they begin new seasons in life.

Super Snazzy Baby Stuff

2010-02-24T20:59:00.000-08:00

So just for fun, check out this snazzy baby stuff....they have some pretty awesome (and $$$$$) pieces. Fun to look at and dream a little. :-)

This is such a beautiful crib...and I could never afford it.

But isn't it beautiful?

I believe I will always think of Layla as my little princess. :-)

Character

2010-02-23T08:52:00.000-08:00

God really does care more about doing things in us than doing things with us. Character is his first priority, far more important than accomplishments. Sometimes I get uptight and impatient, wanting God to do something with me, not realizing that this time is crucial because of the character He is forging in me.

Oh for patience, for wisdom, for submission.

family

2010-02-19T09:42:00.000-08:00

Valentine's Day family photo

Control

2010-02-18T20:38:00.001-08:00

I tend to get irritated with the people closest to me when I feel my sense of control vanishing. Control of my future, control of my life. It is rather disconcerting to feel out of control, and to be unable (or to choose to be unable) to take any steps to regain that control. God wants us to live our lives in dependence and submission to Him, which means that HE is in control and not me. Easy to say, hard to live out.

There are so many things Nathanael and I want to do, yet God seems to just keep us here longer and longer. We want to walk in obedience to God, and we want this more than to do the things we think we want to do. Still, it is a daily struggle to surrender.

Having a baby challenges your sense of control. First the baby takes over your body from the inside, and then once out, does the same thing on the outside! Physically speaking, we're talking about feelings of nausea to kicking to birth to nursing. In addition to that, the baby changes your life: you can't control how long you sleep, when you go out, where you can go, what you can do. Big time loss of control.

And yet, she is beautiful. And I love her. I know she is a gift from God, and I am so so so thankful for her. And hey, I am learning about surrendering my life to God and she is just one more facet of that lesson. So praise God.

Maybe this can be my spiritual discipline for Lent: learning to surrender. Each day, each hour. Each moment as it happens, each thought of the future. Let go of what I think I want or how I want things to turn out. Stop trying to hoard sleep or to control little parts (or big parts) of my life. Just surrender, and use this time to draw closer to God--not so I can manipulate my way for my life, but so I can know Him for who He is.

Breastfeeding and The Bottle

2010-02-17T14:35:00.000-08:00

Part Two of Breastfeeding...

Sorry I've been gone from the online symposium for the past couple days. It was Valentine's Day and then the next day I got super sick and then yesterday I was recovering and now it is today and I am back! :-) So I am continuing my little break from the pregnancy chronicles since people seem more interested in the baby stuff anyhow. :-)

So, breastfeeding. Well, clearly I understood the benefits and superiority of breastmilk for the baby, so I knew I wanted to do that if possible. At the same time, I had a lot of friends (and relatives) who didn't introduce the bottle soon enough and as a result, their baby refused to take it. I was determined that would not be our story, as I wanted the freedom to have other people feed the babe (so Nathanael and I could go on dates and so I could return to work).

When Layla turned 3 weeks old, we introduced the bottle (with expressed breastmilk, not forumla). At first she cried a bit, but all in all she took it rather well and was well adjusted to it and switching back and forth between breast and bottle without much fuss. What I did NOT realize is that you have to be consistent with giving them bottle or else they forget how to suck (because breast and bottle employ different sucking techniques). Apparently (what I now know) you should give them the bottle once a day, at least 5 days a week, to ensure that they maintain their skill.

Well, we weren't consistent with it because we got over confident in her ability (and we didn't realize we needed to be consistent with it). And then she got a cold (around 7 weeks of age) and was unable to breathe while sucking from the bottle so we didn't force the issue. We tried to get her to take it intermittently but without much success.

Fast forward to this week. On Monday I got sick. Really sick. I have no idea what I got (food poisoning maybe?), but I was vomitting all day and couldn't keep anything down. Layla refused to drink from the bottle, but since I keeping any fluids (or solids) down, my body stopped producing as much milk. I breastfed her as much as I could but I was quite miserable. And she was too, since she was so hungry. Alas.

So lesson learned: next baby, be consistent about the bottle so that in emergency type situations, she can still eat. And, take tylenol sooner to get over the fever/sickness so you can get healthy again!

Thank God that by Tuesday I was better again and back up to normal supply. Layla didn't get whatever I had (also praise God for that!) and we are doing well. But she still won't take the bottle. Sigh. Suggestions are welcome, but I can assure you I've tried almost every nipple head that exists.

Beach Day!

2010-02-13T20:40:00.000-08:00

Oh sometimes I simply love living in Santa Barbara. Tomorrow is Valentine's Day and today we went to the beach to have a pre-Valentine's Day celebration. We were out and about today, and I loved it. Layla was quite the trooper. Here are a couple pictures from the day... :-)

Layla asleep in her HOTsling.

Under the pier with daddy. (Look at her hair?!?!)

We found this snazzy door next to the Channel Islands Surfboard shop. And so we had to take a picture. Simply had to.

Oh such fun today. When you live in a tourist destination, sometimes it's nice to take the day off normal living and join in with the rest of the world.

And now for some feedback: If you were a tourist in your town, what would you do? What is your city known for?

Breastfeeding

2010-02-11T11:09:00.000-08:00

I have much to say about breastfeeding, but for the moment I would just like to refer you to a book on the subject. See here to preview the book.

This book I found extremely fascinating, as I am an anthropology minor after all, and it explores the topic of breastfeeding through different biocultural perspectives historically and presently. There is also a section in it on the politics of breastfeeding--also very enlightening.

To sum up the main points I learned:

-breastfeeding is a complex, learned art

-breastfeeding is better for both the mom and child

-breastfed babies have higher IQs, fewer illnesses, and lower infant death rates

-weaning a baby too early can cause gastrointestinal problems (among other things)

-many people are misinformed about breastfeeding (by doctors, by society at large) and many have never seen a baby breastfed and so have no conception of it as an option

Layla - 3 Months

2010-02-10T09:41:00.000-08:00

Today Layla turned three months old! How incredible that this little person hasn't even existed for one year and yet has worked her way into our hearts and lives. Hard to remember what it was like before her...she is such a delight! Here are a couple pictures my friend Rachel Bradshaw took a couple days ago.

“Do You Have a Feeling?” [of the gender]

2010-02-09T18:52:00.000-08:00

Among the many popular questions asked during pregnancy, this one ranks rather high. Everyone wants to know if you feel like it’s a boy or a girl. Well, we felt like it was a boy. In fact, we were rather sure of it. So we were extremely shocked when we found out it was in fact a girl!

We have so many friends that have gone through the exact same thing: think it’s one, find out it’s the other. I guess the truth is you really just don’t know. And you get a 50% chance of one or the other, but ultimately you’re only getting one! (Unless you have twins).

All that to say, I have learned my lesson, and next time around I will not get my heart set on one gender over the other because you can get surprised!

Traveling [while Pregnant]

2010-02-08T08:24:00.000-08:00

We traveled while I was pregnant! It was great fun, and now that the baby is here I am glad we did it. Because traveling becomes a little more of a process with the baby out than in.

Early in my pregnancy we went to Death Valley. I had always wanted to go, and you can only really go during the spring or the winter, so we went at the end of March and it was incredible. The rock formations were so impressive and the desert was in bloom with lovely wildflowers.

Of course I was more easily tired than normal and I always had to have oatmeal handy (strange cravings), but it was super fun. And quite an adventure, since the second night a sandstorm blew through with winds up to 70 mph. Needless to say, we spent the night in the car since not even massive rocks could hold our tent down.

We also went to Texas for a friend’s wedding (walking in high heels while pregnant is exceptionally hard!), Yosemite with a bunch of photographer friends, and San Francisco for a prayer tour. Great times seeing the United States of America.

(the photo above was taken by Montana Dennis)

Vaccines and Autism...do these go hand in hand?

2010-02-06T09:01:00.000-08:00

Ok I'm taking a break from the pregnancy chronicles and want to write about what is going on these days...

Our baby got her first shot yesterday! It was the one for meningitis. We've decided to stagger her shots instead of following the federal government's immunization schedule. After our experience with her getting sick and then the recovery that she was able to have thanks to medicine, I completely understand the argument for vaccinations. It is horrible to watch your child suffer and to watch her health continue to decline and be unable to do anything about it. How wonderful that we have vaccines that can guard against some of the most common and deadly childhood diseases.

On the other hand, I've heard too many stories of kids getting their shots and then getting high fevers and developing autism-type symptoms. And I know that supposedly no scientific research has found a connection between vaccines and autism, but I still remain slightly wary. Anyone who has worked with autistic children knows just how debilitating and life-long this condition is. If there is a correlation between vaccines and autistic symptoms, I want to be extremely careful.

Of notable interest on this topic is that the British scientific journal The Lancet that originally published Dr. Wakefield's study has retracted it. Dr. Wakefield's study can be read here. Here are two very different news reportings on the topic: Those who think there is a link between vaccines and autism and those who vehemently deny any link whatsoever .

Any thoughts/comments/personal stories?

Finding a Practitioner You Trust

2010-02-06T08:53:00.001-08:00

So by now, we had already given some thought to the home birth vs. hospital birth question as well as the “who is going to deliver my baby?” question. Since our insurance didn’t cover home birth (and we couldn’t afford to pay it out of pocket), we opted for the hospital. [Unfortunately there is no birth center in our town, so these were our only two options.]

Initially we just got assigned an OB-GYN, and we met with him several times. Both my husband and I didn’t feel comfortable with him. I’m not sure what exactly it was…part of it had to do with the way he answered our questions (and the lack of respect he had for our desires/opinions) and also just the general vibe. We knew it was probably a problem when we were both wishing that he would not be on call when I went into labor. So we switched doctors!

I did some research and asked around, found the most natural friendly doctor in town and barely got in. And I am so glad we switched! Because later I heard some stories about the first OB we had, and I am glad he wasn’t delivering for my birth!

Do the research on the care practitioners (% of Cesareans, how accommodating are they to your wishes?) and make sure you get someone you are comfortable with.

First Ultrasound

2010-02-05T12:57:00.000-08:00

I will probably never forget when we first saw our baby on the ultrasound. I think we were only 8 weeks pregnant, so it really looked like little more than a peanut shaped blob with a rapidly beating heart. But it was AMAZING. Incredible to see that little heart beating on the screen, to know there is a new life being formed!

I think in those early weeks, having a good pregnancy book was a great way to get excited and learn about the baby’s development. I really enjoyed What to Expect When You’re Expecting and also the website www.parents.com

Made in Tanzania

2010-02-04T11:47:00.000-08:00

In February 2009, we went on a safari! My uncle and aunt generously gave us this top notch trip to Tanzania, and we had a fantastic time. Oh we lived it up! It was glorious. J We flew first class (amazing!! First time ever…), we stayed in ridiculously posh accommodations (so crazy!! Definitely not used to it…), and we saw way way way more zebra than we ever knew existed. Along with leopards and cheetahs and lions and wildebeest and deer and all the animals you see in the Lion King. We had so much fun on our safari—we really did. Oh and did I mention that it wasn't just a private safari, it also included hang out time and photo tips with a National Geographic photographer? Oh yes, it did.

Exclusive never-before-seen footage from our trip to Tanzania, put together by my husband. =) See his blog here.

So as I mentioned a few posts ago, we stopped using birth control in June of 2008 because we felt personally convicted to do so. This is not something I would recommend to others unless you feel God leading you in this way. For us, however, it was our act of obedience and faith.

Little did we know that this trip would change our lives forever. Because we went there just two of us—and came back three.

Was It Planned?

2010-02-03T12:54:00.000-08:00

Ah, another popular question. People can be so nosy! When you are young or have not been married a long time, everyone wants to know if the baby was planned. Usually, I think, so they can decide if you are worthy of judgment or not. Honestly, though, whether planned or not, whether desired or not, it is a new life and worthy to be rejoiced over!

Finally I came up with an answer to this question: Yes, it was planned. Perhaps not by us, but certainly planned by God! He planned this one’s life and is currently forming her features, her personality—everything.

For those who are trying to get pregnant or planning to start a family, I think it is wonderful. It is an incredible journey. The March of Dimes website (www.marchofdimes.com) has some great tips for determining ovulation and helping with conception. Here is their ovulation calendar.

Valentine's Day

2010-02-02T14:35:00.001-08:00

So I got these ideas from this awesome blog called Love, Actually. Anyways, you should DEFINITELY check it out. Lots of fun, creative ideas.

Here is what I decided to do:

I just converted a muffin tray into a decorative Valentine celebration dubbed the 12 Days of Valentine. And then inside each muffin holder, I placed a little note with something fun for us to do. Then each morning, my hubby gets to pick one to look underneath. (Today's was a race around the back yard. He won: 25.2 seconds. Sadly it took me 35.9 seconds. what gives?!?) Super fun! And doesn't have to cost a thing (awesome!!).

"Were You Trying?"

2010-02-02T11:01:00.000-08:00

You know, it’s amazing how social expectations change when you are pregnant. Questions from mere acquaintances pry into extremely private matters. Such as the popular question, “Were you trying?”

This question arises from the assumption that people are either trying to get pregnant or trying not to get pregnant. And it reflects a mentality that each pregnancy is either intended or accidental.

Our answer to this question was, “No.

But we weren’t not trying, either."

Which threw people off.

Read on.

Birth control. When we first got married, I was using the YAZ birth control pill. It was the new pill on the market and very popular (apparently). Just take it at the same time every day and you basically eliminate your chance of getting pregnant. Things I liked about it: shorter, lighter, more predictable periods. Things I disliked about it: accompanied weight gain, susceptibility to sickness, moodiness.

Nonetheless, I took the pill diligently for about the first few months. Then I started sensing God asking me to come off the pill and trust Him regarding my fertility. Trust that He could keep me from getting pregnant. I also began to hear Him say that He wanted to give us a child.

Well, frankly, I did not want a child. Not yet, anyways. But I was challenged by the Spirit to really truly trust God. This was hard for me, and to be honest, at first I did not trust or obey. Then one night I got sick and threw up shortly after taking the pill. I felt convicted and knew that God was asking me to stop taking birth control. My husband felt the same conviction.

So we stopped. That was in June 2008. And God was faithful. Sure enough, He is capable both to open the womb and to keep it shut.

All that to say, we weren’t trying. But also, we weren’t not trying.

Side note: YAZ birth control is now in the midst of several lawsuits for causing serious and life-threatening complications in women taking the pill. See more here.

Reflections on my Pregnancy

2010-02-01T09:44:00.001-08:00

I decided that, for the month of February (and possibly into March), I will look back and reflect on my pregnancy with Layla. It was, after all, a year ago this month that I became pregnant, so it seems fitting.

At the time, I did not have really any friends in town that were also pregnant, so it was extremely helpful for me to have a couple friends in other places across the country who could empathize and walk the journey with me. My hope is that these reflections will be a blessing for you, the reader, allowing you into my journey and coming alongside yours.

Pregnancy is a time of such immense change. Both the actual changes occurring at unbelievable rates as well as the expectation of change to come. In the midst of the whirlwind of growth and newness, it is wonderful to have that solid rock to come back to.

Whether you are expecting, wanting to get pregnant, just curious, or none of the above, I hope you enjoy the upcoming month of blog posts! If nothing else, I will enjoy processing it through writing. :-) And please, please, feel free to ask any and every question. :-)

Baby

2010-01-31T17:31:00.001-08:00

My little princess:

quote

2010-01-29T12:49:00.001-08:00

"Poverty, in part is about having no money, but it's more than that. It's about being isolated, unsupported, uneducated and unwanted. Poor people want to be included and not just judged and 'rescued' at times of crisis"
-Tim Keller in Ministries of Mercy

Sacred Space Promo

2010-01-28T19:37:00.000-08:00

Comments anyone? :-)

Inspiration from "The Music Man"

2010-01-28T16:25:00.000-08:00

Today I went and watched Marymount School's Fifth Grade production of the Music Man. It was surprisingly well done! Anyways, I found this line inspiring and wanted to share it here:

"You pile up enough tomorrows,

and you'll find you are left with nothing but a lot of empty yesterdays.

I don't know about you,

but I'd like to make today worth remembering."

Prayer of Abandonment

2010-01-22T22:13:00.000-08:00

I stumbled across this prayer coincidentally and could not believe how well it captured my own sentiments. Written by Thomas Merton, here it is:

My Lord God,
I have no idea where I am going.
I do not see the road ahead of me.
I cannot know for certain where it will end.

Nor do I really know myself,
and that I think I am following your will
does not mean I am actually doing so.

But I believe the desire to please you
does in fact please you.
And I hope I have that desire in all I am doing.

I hope I will never do anything apart from that desire.
And I know if I do this
you will lead me by the right road
though I may know nothing about it.

I will trust you always
though I may seem to be lost
and in the shadow of death.

I will not fear,
for you will never leave me
to face my perils alone.

Lights, Camera, Action

2010-01-20T21:03:00.000-08:00

Here are a few shots from Heschle Video Production's latest work on a documentary about church planting. See the blog for more.

2010-01-20T12:10:00.000-08:00

God does not exist to do things for me.

And prayer is not a magic genie.

I can be in relationship with Him, I can present my requests to Him, but ultimately it is up to God how to answer. He will do what is best, and He determines what is best.

I need to stop trying to push my own agenda or how I want things to be, and to accept what God has and to follow Him.

Discouragement

2010-01-19T21:39:00.000-08:00

I ought to sleep, but I need to write. Even if no one ever reads this. :-)

Today was a hard day. Hard not so much because of what happened (although that was a bit tough) but more because of the discouragement that accompanied what happened. Oh discouragement. It sucks the life out of you, and then plagues you with thoughts you wish would go away.

My poor baby girl has been sick for the last week. She has a nasty cough that frequently results in vomitting because her little system can't seem to kick the phlem (sp?) out in any other way. It's rough. Every time she starts to cough, I feel myself tense up and want to cry. Please baby, please don't suffer, please don't throw up. I get angry at this cough, at sickness, at germs. It makes me mad. I've never felt such a fierce feeling, such a deep gut-wrenching desire to take her pain and hurt on myself so that she doesn't have to feel it or to go through it. If the cough were an object, I would beat it senseless.

Such a helpless feeling: to watch her cough, to try everything in my power to help her body calm down, to see her look in my eyes pleading as if to say "Mom, please, help me", to be unable to do anything, and then to watch as vomit spews from her mouth, all over me and anything else nearby. oh, it is hard.

And hard not to become discouraged.

This I cling to: God has a plan for her life. He created her, not I. And He loves her more than I. He is holding her more closely than I. Her life is not something I can cling to--it belongs to God. We know that, and we included that in her name. She is consecrated to God, set apart for Him. And though I don't know the future, I have to trust Him and find my hope in Him--not in medicine or in positive thinking, but in God himself.

Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged, for the LORD your God will be with you wherever you go.

This verse (from the book of Joshua) is encouraging, because it is not an option. It is a command. And it is reassuring when it comes to finances. The economy is hard these days. It seems that plenty of people want videos, but no one wants to pay for them.

Wrap Top

2010-01-18T09:04:00.000-08:00

When we found out we were expecting a girl, both of us were surprised. We "had a feeling" it was a boy. Making this for baby Layla helped me switch mental gears and get excited for her arrival... :-)

The pattern is by Claire Montgomerie, published in Easy Baby Knits. And the yarn is Araucania Ulmo, purchased from Loop & Leaf, in Santa Barbara.

Unselfishness vs. Selflessness

2010-01-16T16:19:00.001-08:00

Today I am contemplating the difference between unselfishness and selflessness. One is proactive and the other is reactive. Being unselfish involves me initially being selfish and then trying to tell myself "no, don't think that, don't be that way." Like when my baby girl keeps waking me up through the night because she's having a hard time breathing because of her congested nose and throat, and I am just wanting to sleep but then I tell myself "it's more important to make sure she can breathe, stop being so selfish!" And then I start getting grumpy because all I really want is to sleep and so I get annoyed with whatever is standing in my way. Because I'm being selfish, and then feeling guilty about it, and then trying to be unselfish. But my heart isn't in it at all. My heart is looking out for myself.

Selflessness is when my heart is wanting what's best for someone else. And if I "suffer" as a result, it doesn't matter as long as the other person is better off. And so I am happy to be awake in the middle of the night to make sure my daughter can breathe, even if it means I am significantly sleep deprived and exhausted. And that I will continue to be kind to those around me, because it is not their fault I am tired and I should not take it out on them.

Those are my musings for the day.

In need of a haircut

2010-01-15T19:17:00.000-08:00

I need a haircut.
Any style ideas and/or places to get one?

oak

2010-01-14T16:10:00.000-08:00

source

Look at the oak tree on this hill. See how beautiful it is? And yet it never toils or frets or labors for its beautiful clothing, even though it is here today and gone tomorrow. You are much more valuable than a tree. How much more will God clothe you? You have such little faith.

Do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will take care of itself. Each day has enough troubles of its own.

Second Realization of Motherhood

2010-01-13T18:48:00.000-08:00

You know you're a mom when another person throws up all over you, and your first thought is, "Is she okay?"

Poor baby...hasn't been feeling very good the past few days. Lots of coughing, today one episode culminated in emptying her stomach's contents all over me and the couch. Now I know how much her stomach can hold. And it's rather a lot.

Before I disgust everyone, I shall leave it at that. :-)
That being said, she has also been becoming quite the pro at smiling...she loves to smile. And talk! Lots of vowel sounds. She is a vocal little parrot. Most of her sounds I can make back right at her, but I can't do the clicky ones.
I'm trying to play lots of different music for her in the hopes that she will retain the ability to speak the languages she hears. What do you all think? Is this even reasonable? :-)

2010-01-11T21:46:00.001-08:00

I think tonight I realized that I am, in fact, a mom. We had some friends over to meet their new adorable puppy. And in the course of the evening, the puppy thought the bright pink fuzzy things within jumping range were a toy. In the blink of an eye, he had ripped the sock off Layla's little foot, leaving her first startled, then screaming in shock and pain. Poor little one had a bad scratch and some blood, and the look on her face...oh I felt horrible. Still do. She screamed and screamed...so heart wrenching. I don't want anything bad to happen to her, and it is horrible to watch her be in pain.

Oh baby, I just want you to be happy, to know I love you. I want what's best for you. I love you. It pains me horribly to watch you be in pain, probably much more than it hurts you. And even once you've forgot, my heart still bleeds for you. I wish you could know, I wish I could somehow communicate to you how much I love you. How much I care. You cannot truly understand, but someday--someday, you will know. You are so precious to me. And I love you. Dearest, dearest Layla...you are my child.

2010-01-11T13:43:00.000-08:00

Today the little one has a nasty cough...poor baby. Tonight will likely be a long night, as we will have to be on vigilant duty to make sure her air pipes don't get clogged. We want to keep this little one breathing! Right now she's zonked on my lap...what a beautiful, precious little baby she is. So full of life and happiness. Her soft skin is incredible and her hair--well, everyone LOVES her hair. :-) It's her most prominent feature, and it certainly gets prime time comments. Hahaha....
She is wearing a cute summer dress today because, as is typical for Santa Barbara January days, it is a very warm 68 degrees outside.

AWESOME OFFER!

2010-01-09T14:16:00.000-08:00

Hi Everyone,
We are pleased to offer 25% OFF any package if you book during January! Don't miss out on this great deal :-)

2010-01-09T13:56:00.000-08:00

"A daughter is a little girl who grows up to be a friend."

I love my little girl. She is so incredibly precious. When she smiles, the whole world melts.

Watching her wake up from a nap is so endearing. Her little arms stretching toward the sky, her face scrunching up, her little body wriggling. Usually it seems as though she cannot decide if she should enter back into the world or continue in dreamland. Her little mouth munching like a chipmunk as she sleeps... :-)

What a dear, beautiful baby.

I cannot wait to hear her laugh. It is amazing to watch her grow and change with every day. What a gift!

2010-01-05T17:13:00.000-08:00

I went to the post-partum exercise class at the YMCA today! It felt fantastic. :-) Layla was great, she just chilled on the ground and watched as we mommies did our dance and pilates...

This afternoon I dropped off some of Layla's newborn clothes (which she no longer fits!!) at a Pregnancy Crisis Center here in town. I would like to get more involved with something like that...pregnancy and then parenting can be a really demanding journey, especially without support. And life is so precious...it ought to be supported and nourished.

Happy Twenty-Ten!

2010-01-04T19:59:00.000-08:00

Well it's been a while!

We went to San Francisco and back--took a bit longer with an infant than it did pre-baby! But Layla was truly such a fantastic little trooper. :-) We enjoyed the city and welcomed in the New Year up there.

Being back home is wonderful though. Our little munchkin is a munch, munch, munchin' away. Today she weighed 10 lbs 14 oz. She has gained over a pound in 3 weeks. What a chubster. ;-)

Here's a picture from today. :-)